The Long and Short of It

I almost decided to put down my pen. 'Loser', 'over-the-hill' and 'Surrender, Dorothy' kept playing over and over again in my mind like A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall. My self-esteem was in the dog house. Did my Muse ditch me for good? Or was she just on vacation?

Then I heard from Tracy Rosengrave of Xlibris Corporation. It was an email addressed to me. It said:


Dear Arthur,

My name is Tracey Rosengrave, Marketing Manager for Xlibris Corporation, a Print-On-Demand Self-Publishing company. We are sending you this email because we have either learned about your passion for writing or we have had the pleasure of coming across some of your work. If you are interested in self-publishing, I’ve included a brief description of who we are below.

Management says this is spam that didn’t get filtered. She wrote to the Famous Writer's School when she was 15, but I am not supposed to tell anyone. A guy named Bennett Cerf wrote back and wanted money. So she might be a little jealous, because I did not have to write to Tracy Rosengrave first. She came to me. Big difference.

I say it’s about time someone noticed my unique contribution to journalism and the American Way of Life. For one thing, there aren’t a lot of dogs that can type. (I said that part about American Way of Life, because it makes me sound serious and concerned in case Tracy thinks I am kidding.)

I knew when I left Sycamore that I would need a skill, so I audited a typing class at the library. Management and I were living where there were a lot of homeless people, and they went to the library to get warm or cool. All they had to do was read a book or take a class, so they could stay. The boss librarian was a Salvation Army general or something in her spare time, so she wanted everyone signed up with Jesus, and I think she thought I was a dwarf. Anyway, no one ever hassled me.

I got an email account with hotmail, then my own domain, GoodDog.com. Friends encouraged me to write a book. And here I am today on Tracy Rosengrave’s mailing list. I wonder if I can afford a chauffeur.