The Long and Short of It

That is how I thought management would handle publicizing my recent disappearance which occurred Friday night into Saturday until about 3:30 in the afternoon.

Instead she got all frazzled and emotional and made a dumb sign that said: "DOG MISSING. DEAF. SHORT. TRI-COLOR CORGI. 14 YEARS OLD. REWARD!" and she put it by the road at our house.

My agent and I decided that we needed to loosen Tracey Rosengrave's check-writing muscles, so I staged a publicity stunt, hoping for CNN and everyone else to report on the famous dog blogger, Arthur, who vanished without a trace. Also, Random House might put me under contract when I reappeared to the great joy of all the bipeds who are in my multicultural pack. They would take a picture, and it would get all over the news like that stupid cat who ended up in France.

Here's what happened. After management went to bed, I waited a few minutes, because she is tired from all the rubber scraping and dealing with her relatives, and she sleeps like a rock. Then I went to the gate where the meter readers go in and out - like they really are so anxious to get back to the office to send us a bill, they cannot take the time to close the gate.

I walked out and decided to go as far as I could considering that I am 98 years old and have arthritis. I ended up at a place quite far away, and I laid in their flowers, so I could take a nap. I wanted to be fresh when the photographers showed up.

Karen and Klaus were the bipeds who found me. Karen saw the dumb sign, and went to get you-know-who. She came driving up, and she had my special water dish and cold water and my treats and everything, but no newspapers were there.

Klaus is a Vietnam veteran, so we are going to give some money to the Vietnam Veterans, because Klaus and Karen would not let the boss give them anything. I am a good American, so that is OK with me.

I slept in the car all night.

Back to the drawing board.