The Long and Short of It

I haven't written a food column lately. Well, unless you count my column on mega M&M's, which was a life style editorial about middle aged bipeds who think that 55% bigger beige M&M's will make them cool again. As if.

Today I am going to blog about my new diet. My vet says I have allergies, so he gave management a piece of paper that says I have to eat boiled chicken and rice. I love Chinese takeout, which always has rice. Fried chicken is excellent, but I do not know about this boiled chicken business. At least he did not say I was too fat.

I think he gave her the piece of paper, because the bill was very expensive, and he wanted her to think that she was getting her money's worth. Also, even though he did not realize that I am a famous blog artist, he could see that I am a pedigree dog with a special certificate from my breeder in Sycamore. It costs more to keep us. Face it.

Poor management is still complaining about her wrist. I think she should marry the hot dog salesman and get in on his insurance and quit talking about her aches and pains. Why she can't figure this out is beyond me.

You cannot have hot dogs on my bland diet. Hot dogs can be bland if you do not put peppers and onions on them. I think this vet was over reacting. I am allergic to cats. Not steak. Cats.

He said that Clarence was a nice cat. "That's a nice cat." Then management was all talkative about how he purrs all the time and knows his name. People spend time discussing whether some idiot cat knows his name or not. That makes him "nice"?

I think this vet knows about as much about diets as he knows about the real Clarence.

Zero.