The Long and Short of It

It is important for bloggers, even small time pretenders like Management and especially for blog stars like me, to post something every day, so your readers do not get annoyed when they check your website and do not see any new news. The liberals are so busy lying about Barney’s father and the War on Terror that we loyal conservatives have all we can do just to keep up.

Some liberals call it the War on Terra. Terra is Latin. It means Earth. What do they want? A mushroom cloud in their back yard? We have mushrooms in our new house where it rained inside. That is because Management hired a dope to do some work. I have had enough of mushrooms, so I do not want a mushroom cloud. Mushrooms are like lettuce. You cannot even eat them with cheese. They are that bad.

My news for today concerns a guy at the parking lot where the Boss and I were having lunch yesterday. It is at one of my beaches, but the park rangers were there, and they put a false sign up saying “No Dogs Allowed”, so we stayed in the parking lot until they left. I am going to call Barney himself about this, if I have to. It is more liberal worry-warting about dogs that bite or do not know how to use the restroom. They call it Public Health. That is where our taxes go. For liberal signs and stripping good Americans of their rights. Who barks more on the Fourth of July? Tell me that. Loyal canine Americans. That’s who.

OK. The guy was in a van, and he was talking on the phone, and he said that someone went to hell and saw it first hand and there were “two legs” of it and pits and fire. Also he said that a woman was trying to crawl out of a pit and she almost made it out but a demon came along and pushed her back in and a guy named Jesus was crying - he is a good guy but he was just showing this person around hell, I guess - anyway, Jesus was crying, because his brothers and sisters were in hell and he could not get them out.

Why didn’t he get a fire extinguisher? Possibly he could have called the fire department. He is supposed to be able to do miracles and things like that, too.

I wonder if he does roofs. He was a carpenter. Well, anyway, this guy did not know if this story about hell was true or a lie by the devil to throw him off because he said that everything about hell was already in the Bible, and “Can’t nobody add nothing to it.”

We just ate our chicken, and I took a nap. Hell is being where you can’t go onto your own darned beach because of sissy liberals. And getting your nails trimmed. And cats sleeping on the bed where you used to sleep before you got arthritis.