The Long and Short of It

My production assistant forgot to charge the battery, and we did not have time to edit this photo before the computer crashed, and we had to drive to the library real fast before it closed.

My pen has been silent for the past week, because, as I told you before, the Boss went to a "retreat" whatever that is. It is liberal, you can bet. They probably sat around all day petting cats and thinking of ways to try to make the rest of us feel guilty. I do not feel guilty. Especially after my incarceration at the Nickerson Animal Care Center "hotel", which is code for "the slammer". That is not the topic of today's column, though. I wil have to unpack that and probably see my psychiatrist first.

Today I wish to share some candids my photographer took when we were having breakfast yesterday at this cafe she always goes to get coffee. We had to sit outside because I am a dog. They spell it caffe. They put the extra 'f' in there so they can charge you 4.95 for scrambled eggs. That is where our money goes. To make matters worse, she stopped taking cream in her coffee about 10 years ago, and she never used sugar, because she is a liberal. Iced caramel frappucino from Starbucks is very excellent. Why don't we go there? Why? Because it is not a local business, and Starbucks is a big, giant corporation that takes advantage of brown people or something, I suppose.

When we drove up there was already a dog there. Then a massive white dog - or was it a bear? - named Dolly sat next to us. I thought she was OK, but then she started to growl when I was sniffing her. I mean, she was 15 times bigger that I am. Being the fearless journalist that I am, I was, quite naturally, trying to get the who, what, when, where, why and how of Dolly Dog. She was a snob and a - well, I will not swear, because of my family values. (Bitch.)

Several bipeds stopped at our table: "Ooo, look at the cute dog." "He is so sweet." "He is a true Corgi."

We bagged three new fan club members. That is the good news. The bad news is that I am sick and tired of these country bumpkins who say things like, "That is a true Corgi." Have you ever heard of a false Corgi? I am a famous blog artist, and I still have to put up with all these dumb comments.