The Long and Short of It

The next time you hear a liberal say you should not use chemicals and that when bugs and snakes get in your house you should just go out and buy them a house of their own, do not believe them.

This is what happens when you try to be natural: great big green worms get on the tomato plants.

Little wasps were supposed to lay eggs on the worms, and then the worms were supposed to die. First of all, we do not have any little wasps. Management says it is because the dumb bipeds – she called them something else – cut out the habitat when they sawed down the bushes she wanted to keep.

It is funny that she wanted to save a bush, because she does not like anyone named Bush. They are all in something called the Carlyle Group. It is a lot of old rich guys. One of them is a director of a great big company that makes drugs and chemicals. If certain people do not like worms in the garden, they better stop saying bad things about Barney’s father. He will just call his friends, and they will not give you any chemicals, even if you say you will pay them a million dollars when the wasps move or go on strike.

That’s life in the food chain. Get used to it.